Hopeful

Today I had another check up with the doctor to monitor the progress of baby #2. I am about 16 weeks and so far from what we can tell the little one seems to be growing normally. His/her heartbeat was nice and strong at 150 beats. I will never stop being amazed at that beautiful sound. Simply incredible. Once again at this appointment I have gained a bit more information as to what exactly we are up against and what milestones we need to hit. The news seems to be getting harder and harder to take or as though more and more information is being released. While I was under the impression that at 16 weeks we could start breathing easy, that's not the case. As the doc said, each day we get closer and closer but we still have a ways to go. But, sadly we will never get that feeling of being out of the miscarriage woods until our little one gets to 26 weeks. The reason being is at 26 weeks we could deliver and the baby has a very good chance of survival in the hospital. But, we really want to get to at least 32 weeks. I guess this hemorrhage is not normal (less than 1% of pregnancy's) and we will just have to fight each obstacle as they come. I will be going in for an ultrasound on Friday or the following Monday to check on the baby and determine if there has been any placental damage. This will be a standard routine; every 4 weeks a new ultrasound to check in on things and make sure nothing new has developed. Long term damage to the placenta can cause problems with the baby's growth (size) but can also cause my water to break among other things. So this seems to be much more critical than we gathered at the beginning. The positive is that I have been given the green light to resume my mommy duties with little Henry. I no longer require someone to be at the house with me around the clock. However, I have to make smart decisions as to how much I pick him up. I still cannot work out and don't expect they will allow me to do so for the remainder of the pregnancy. To be honest, that is the least of my worries as I know I will get my body back eventually. I am relieved to gain some normalcy with Henry as I really don't want to miss out on anymore bear hugs or feel suffocated at home. I am sad that we have to fight another emotional battle with pregnancy as we truly have had enough already. I mean seriously when is enough, enough? However, I am confident we will fight hand and hand and keep our heads above water no matter what happens. I am hopeful and am trying my best to live in each moment and not worry about what tomorrow will bring. It's so hard as the more time passes the more attached you become and the more scary the idea of losing this little one becomes and hurts. All I can say is I am trying my best to stay positive, keep the bad thoughts away, and focus on the positives all around us. This little man below keeps me smiling and thankful for each and every minute. He truly is the light of our lives. Amazing little boy. (This pic is from his first spaghetti dinner with some peas on the side..so messy but soooo funny!) Until next time, keep us in your thoughts and prayers...we could use all we can get!