Sunday, May 22, 2011
Any Advice?
Calling all mommy's & daddy's for some tips on discipline for our 2 year old. We have been following the Super Nanny time out approach (warning, same place for time out that is not in their bedroom, explain very briefly why in time out, leave for 2 minutes, return & ask/tell why in time out, apologies & hugs). Henry sits in time out without getting up and most of the time is quiet with no tears. He loves the part of apologizing and when he has been in some serious trouble for hitting he definitely is remorseful and feels bad. However, this little cave boy doesn't remember how bad it feels to feel so low when hurting someone and keeps doing the same behaviors of hitting baby brother, mommy & daddy. He even started kicking Olie last week and bit him once on the forehead on Friday. Time out does not seem to be working and at times seems to be a game to him. After he bit Olie I sent him to his room as I did not know what else to do. I will admit partly I just needed him to go away for a few minutes as I was so mad and floored he would do this to his baby brother. No more biting has occurred but the hitting definitely has. Olie has been crawling for a few weeks now and is in big brothers business a lot more. This definitely has been frustrating for Henry as he now has to share toys, space and attention to baby brother as he gets praised for a new milestone. Most other childcare educators or parents I have spoken to have told me he is just looking for more attention. But, honestly I don't know how I could give him anymore attention than I do. I make sure he and I get just Henry and Mommy time every single day when daddy gets home, if not before, and we play a lot during the day. He was pretty sick last week which heightened the aggression so I am hoping it will die down a bit once he is back to feeling 100%. I fully expect conflict with the boys as they both grow up, but I just want to be sure there isn't something else I can do to help teach Henry it is not ok to hit those he loves. Btw...he has never hit another kid. He is a wonderful playmate with all other kids except his brother. So we do know it's some sort of jealous emotion he is feeling. Any tips out there?
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6 comments:
Only that it's normal! Let me know what works for you when you find out. I think it's an ongoing battle of making sure they each get their one-on-one attention, and the time-outs for discipline kind of goes in and out of season for us as far as its effectiveness. Now that M is 3 1/2 it's not very useful anymore and I find myself just scolding her, and then hugging her to reassure her that she's getting attention and love because time outs now lead to more rebellion and escalation which just turns out negative. :-( Hang in there mama!
Looking forward to what advice you get as Calum is the same and we don't yet have babies around for him to "beat up" (he does it to us instead!). I have been told by our daycare that calling it the "naughty step" is a bad idea because it makes the child think they themselves are naughty and encourages the behavior. I've had to seperate C from myself and also put him in his room which also seemed to get the message across like it did with H however I can see the negatives of this. One thing I have noticed and read in other places is to pay close attention to when this behavior is happening-for C it really does seem more prevalent when he's hungry, tired or in H's case-sick. I think in this instance you really just have to kind of let it go and chalk it up to being normal and part of him maturing being a toddler. Oh, one thing my 87 year old former midwife Gram (and mother of 4, grandma of 12 and great grandma of quite a few) told me-if the tantrums get really bad, throw a cup of water on them! Although she did say it can backfire in that they might learn to do the same to you! Good luck x
Hi. I think I have left a comment in the past. I am Kelly Gies' bestfriend from childhood and still really close with that group of girls. You and I both have boys and my youngest, Cooper is about a week older than your youngest. Cohen my oldest just turned three. I rarely leave advise, but feel compelled since we are pretty much living parallel lives :) We had a handful of trouble with Cohen's behavior from 2.5-3. I assure you it gets better! Feel free to email me ajerome@nwphotoworks.com for advise if you want. At one point Cohen's behavior was so bad we took him to a behavioral specialist. Come to find out his behavior was normal but for us we were not having it. We learned a lot and may have things to share that could be helpful but too much info. for this forum :) Like I said take piece in knowing it gets better!
Mist - I know my kids are girls (way different) and a little older, but the books Love and Logic and 1-2-3 magic were both recommended to me and are good to start at a young age. The 1-2-3 magic seems to be working with my kids, who fight nonstop. Worth a shot? Whoever coined the term "terrible 2s" did not have a 3 year old, as 2 and 3 were the hardest years for me with Addy. I also read that 1/2 an hour of pure attention from the parents can help alleviate some of the acting out (which is next to impossible with 2, I know!). Hope this helps!
I don't have any advice for you but thanks for sharing this as I will be a mom soon, this is great prep! I think your boys will fight their whole lives though so you may have to get use to it...even physically, me and my sister did until we were in high school! ha!
Thanks everyone for the tips. I'll keep you posted on what works for us. So far no more biting but the pretend kicking, stomping on fingers and hitting him in the head are still daily occurences. Good thing Olie is tough. I feel like I have to hover which isn't fun. Really trying to have good 1:1 time with H and offer lots of praise for good behavior. Fingers crossed...
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